Day 232- A Glimpse into the Past (and what it revealed to me about the present)

I went home a few weekends ago to clear out my closets for good as my parents are thinking of selling their house.  I didn't want them to have to deal with moving my stuff on top of all the other things collected in that house over the years.  Stephanie also came down with me and Caleb, and we had a ball with my parents and Stacy.  When Caleb prayed every night he thanked God for "papa, gram, stacy, stacy (he calls stephanie stacy too), and puppies".  It was a sweet time.

But... onto the glimpse into the past.  My mom pulled out a collection of letters she had kept from each of the daughters.  As I opened one of the letters, I got a glimpse into my 7th grade self.  Apparently my mom and I were "pen pals" and I wrote her letters when I was too embarrassed to ask her things in person.  While it was sweet and special that my mom had kept the letters and that we used to write to each other, it revealed (and somewhat humorously, might I add) that I was VERY INSECURE.  Now, I know what you are thinking... all 7th graders are insecure.  Well, I was extremely so.  I asked all about whether my mom liked my hair and which of my clothes did she like and whether she thought I looked cute and then asked whether she thought I was conceited for asking about these things.  I questioned my value and was looking for reassurance that I was worthwhile.  I'm not sure where the letters are at the moment (buried in one of the boxes I brought back) or I would actually copy one of the letters for your enjoyment :). 

What this revealed to me: I thought the letters were cute and hilarious, but there was a small, sad part of me that realized that I.am.the.same.way.now.  I ask Alan, "Am I pretty?", "Do you love me?", "Am I doing the right thing?".  I question my decisions. I berate myself for what I don't accomplish each day. I look for worth in my friendships, career, religiousity, and accomplishments.  I know that God has worked on this in me a lot over the past 10 years, but it is something that I still struggle with.  At times, my insecurity makes me question who I am and I try to make up for it by being extra prepared for the future.  I want transformation.  I know that my worth, my value, my life rests in Christ and how he has redeemed me.  I know that my actions and accomplishments (or lack of accomplishments) won't truly change me from the inside and give me JOY.  There is always room for change or improvement, but I need to relinquish my ego-centric perspective and take on kingdom eyes.  I think when you are focused on God and his kingdom, it's a lot harder to focus on yourself and your shortcomings (you know, the whole "in my weakness he is strong" stuff).  So, while I acknowledge the 7th grade self within me, I hope to mature through Christ's wisdom into a confident woman because of his grace.

Sidenote: I have a lot of head knowlege about this, I'm just trying to figure out the deep soul translation.

Day 231- 12 weeks!

Pregnancy Highlights

How far along: 12 weeks
Size of baby: 2 inches long, lime
Weight gain: about 5 lbs
Maternity clothes: not yet, but I can't wear a few of my pants/shirts
Gender: boy? At least that's what Intelligender says. That will be as close to a real prediction as we get because we're not finding out!
Food cravings: not too many as of late... Still on a carb kick though. Thankfully eating healthy is more appetizing lately.
What I miss: energy!
Sleep: I'm sleeping more than usual, since I've been so tired.
Symptoms: bloat easily after eating, full faster, some headaches, and FATIGUE
Best moment of the week: hiking at the botanical gardens
What I'm looking forward to: feeling the baby kick

Day 213- Growing a gallbladder (or something important)

Oh man... I'm dying today. I seriously feel like I'm going to fall asleep all the time. I think God knew because 3 out of my 7 appointments have been cancelled today, so I got to come home for a couple hours this afternoon. I think new baby is growing something important today, because it's sucking out all of my energy! Hope you're thankful someday little baby. Here's to going to bed early tonight!

Day 209- "Abba, I belong to you"

I'm reading a free kindle book by Brennan Manning, called The Furious Longing of God. As I read the book, I'm reminded of God as my dear Father. It is within this context that my life has meaning, peace, joy, and hope. He challenges the readers to pray the words "Abba (during inhale), I belong to you (during exhale) for several minutes each day for a month with open hands. I have been meditating on this phrase and have felt immense peace as I feel my Father's arms wrap tightly around me.
I can hear him saying,
"Come now, my love. My lovely one, Come." Song of Songs 2:10

Day 203- Happy News and Resurrecting the Blog

I'm not really sure if anyone even checks my blog anymore, since I've been absent for a few months. But... I'm hoping to post more often as things start to settle down from the summer and to record the happenings of pregnancy #2! Yes, we are preggers with baby #2 to be due on Feb 28, 2013! We are so excited, although it feels a bit surreal and intimidating at times. We found out very early on Father's Day, so we've been holding the news in for a while. We had an ultrasound on Thursday with a healthy heartbeat at 170, so we are excited to let the news leak to everyone.


Baby #2


5 weeks


6 weeks


7 weeks


8 weeks- showing a lot earlier this time, though a lot of it is bloat!


Pregnancy Highlights

How far along: 8 weeks
Size of baby: 0.5 inch (the US said 1.75 cm- so right on), kidney bean
Weight gain: about 3 pounds
Maternity clothes: not yet, but some shirts/ shorts are starting to look weird on me
Gender: boy? It's been similar to Caleb's pregnancy so far
Food cravings: salty, carbs, having to force veggies and fruit (uggghh... Why don't I crave healthy stuff???!!)
What I miss: a glass of wine, running (haven't been since it's so hot)
Sleep: I was having vivid dreams, but now I'm just waking up to pee
Symptoms: bloat easily after eating, tired, no nausea or anything
Best moment of the week: seeing baby at the ultrasound!
What I'm looking forward to: actually looking pregnant instead of just thickening and feeling the baby kick