Day 244- Rainy Days

I LOVE rainy days.  Thank you, Hurricane Issac, for bringing us the first really rainy day we've had in months. 

Other random thoughts...

Caleb is turning 2 in a month, less than that, actually.  I need to get on the party plans.  He's such a BIG boy!

Alan is off ALL WEEKEND!!!!  Woo hoo!

It's very weird to be at work and see my husband.  We just got a membership to the Jewish Community Center fitness facility, where I see children for aquatic therapy.  I was taking my lunch break today and he walked right up!  It is fun for him to get a glimpse into my professional life.

I'm reading The Secret Garden.  I love the old children's classics.  I've read Pollyanna and Girl of the Limberlost in the past few months.  I want to read A Little Princess and Little Women soon. 

I also recently read What Alice Forgot and The Art of Racing in the Rain.  Maybe I'll do a book review sometime.  I'm planning to read Life of Pi sometime, espeically since it is going to be a movie soon.

That's it for now... pregnancy update to come!


Day 241- My Career

As much stress as it causes to try and be both a mom and physical therapist, I can't deny that I love my work. I mean, there are aspects that I dislike about my particular job, but doesn't that happen with any job? At its essence though... I feel alive when I'm with a kid or talking with the family or learning new treatment strategies. I also feel alive when I'm snuggling with Caleb on the morning or when he learns a new word.

I'm just not sure that I can do a good job with both careers... Mom and PT. Both seem to require so much attention and energy. I don't think it's right to make either child or patient suffer from a divided mind. But will they suffer? I guess that's the question in my mind. Perhaps they will benefit. Perhaps I can work out a better balance? Perhaps I need to sacrifice one for the other?

Oh the choices of a mother.


Day 236- Grace

"And Grace calls out, "You are not just a disillusioned old man who may die soon, middle-aged woman stuck in a job and desperately wanting to get out, a young person feeling the fire in the belly begin to grow cold. You may be insecure, inadequate, mistaken, or potbellied. Death, panic, depression, and disillusionment may be near you. But you are not just that. You are accepted". Never confuse your perception of yourself with the mystery that you are really accepted.


Day 232- A Glimpse into the Past (and what it revealed to me about the present)

I went home a few weekends ago to clear out my closets for good as my parents are thinking of selling their house.  I didn't want them to have to deal with moving my stuff on top of all the other things collected in that house over the years.  Stephanie also came down with me and Caleb, and we had a ball with my parents and Stacy.  When Caleb prayed every night he thanked God for "papa, gram, stacy, stacy (he calls stephanie stacy too), and puppies".  It was a sweet time.

But... onto the glimpse into the past.  My mom pulled out a collection of letters she had kept from each of the daughters.  As I opened one of the letters, I got a glimpse into my 7th grade self.  Apparently my mom and I were "pen pals" and I wrote her letters when I was too embarrassed to ask her things in person.  While it was sweet and special that my mom had kept the letters and that we used to write to each other, it revealed (and somewhat humorously, might I add) that I was VERY INSECURE.  Now, I know what you are thinking... all 7th graders are insecure.  Well, I was extremely so.  I asked all about whether my mom liked my hair and which of my clothes did she like and whether she thought I looked cute and then asked whether she thought I was conceited for asking about these things.  I questioned my value and was looking for reassurance that I was worthwhile.  I'm not sure where the letters are at the moment (buried in one of the boxes I brought back) or I would actually copy one of the letters for your enjoyment :). 

What this revealed to me: I thought the letters were cute and hilarious, but there was a small, sad part of me that realized that I.am.the.same.way.now.  I ask Alan, "Am I pretty?", "Do you love me?", "Am I doing the right thing?".  I question my decisions. I berate myself for what I don't accomplish each day. I look for worth in my friendships, career, religiousity, and accomplishments.  I know that God has worked on this in me a lot over the past 10 years, but it is something that I still struggle with.  At times, my insecurity makes me question who I am and I try to make up for it by being extra prepared for the future.  I want transformation.  I know that my worth, my value, my life rests in Christ and how he has redeemed me.  I know that my actions and accomplishments (or lack of accomplishments) won't truly change me from the inside and give me JOY.  There is always room for change or improvement, but I need to relinquish my ego-centric perspective and take on kingdom eyes.  I think when you are focused on God and his kingdom, it's a lot harder to focus on yourself and your shortcomings (you know, the whole "in my weakness he is strong" stuff).  So, while I acknowledge the 7th grade self within me, I hope to mature through Christ's wisdom into a confident woman because of his grace.

Sidenote: I have a lot of head knowlege about this, I'm just trying to figure out the deep soul translation.


Day 231- 12 weeks!

Pregnancy Highlights

How far along: 12 weeks
Size of baby: 2 inches long, lime
Weight gain: about 5 lbs
Maternity clothes: not yet, but I can't wear a few of my pants/shirts
Gender: boy? At least that's what Intelligender says. That will be as close to a real prediction as we get because we're not finding out!
Food cravings: not too many as of late... Still on a carb kick though. Thankfully eating healthy is more appetizing lately.
What I miss: energy!
Sleep: I'm sleeping more than usual, since I've been so tired.
Symptoms: bloat easily after eating, full faster, some headaches, and FATIGUE
Best moment of the week: hiking at the botanical gardens
What I'm looking forward to: feeling the baby kick