Day 52- A little busy

So, there isn't even any real substance to this post besides to apologize to the blogging world for being neglectful. I've even taken pics and video of Caleb to post, but just haven't had the time or energy. Life is a little out of control lately (you know... the crazy season at work, taking care of a baby, planning a move, planning a trip to Rome, church stuff, friend stuff, playdates, trying to find my parents jobs in KC so that they will move there, etc) Hoping to catch up this week on things, since work is going to be a little lighter, however, our trip to KC might just undo anything I accomplish midweek. We shall see. With any luck you all will have a substantial post sometime in March :). Love!

Day 46- Crazy Love

Sorry I've been a bit absent from the blogging world. I've been a little busy lately. You know, house to sell, trip to plan, baby to take care of, trying to be present to those I love...

Our church is reading the book, Crazy Love, by Francis Chan. I highly recommend it. I read the book a while ago and really struggled, so I was looking forward to studying it will my small group. Over the past two weeks, I've made some BIG realizations about my faith. It comes down to the fact that I'm still trying to figure out what to DO to please God, rather than realize, embrace, and return God's LOVE. I felt numb when reading the chapter on God's love, ready to move onto the "real" chapters about lukewarm Christians and how to be "hot." I felt that the substance of the book was in how I should change, what I should do, what I'm doing wrong, and how to fix it. Obviously, (though not obvious to me until recently) I do not yet understand God's love. Not that I ever fully will, but I need to work on grace. I need to work on falling back in love with my rescuer. I need to return my focus to HIM. Yes, there are many, many things in my life that need to change and be transformed into God's likeness. But, there is no purpose, no power, no life in simply working to become better. The BEST I can do is like presenting God with a dirty tampon. (paraphrase from Isaiah 64:6) Thankfully, he accepts me and washes me clean. Pristine. Incredibly more than I deserve.

Day 38- To ITALY!

I am SO excited! Alan, Caleb, and I just booked flights to Rome for Spring Break! While it was kind of a spur of the moment thing, it's also something that Alan and I have been wanting to do for a couple years now. We will be celebrating our 5th anniversary, as well as inaugurating Caleb into international travel. We've done a lot of research, and overall, Italy is a very baby-friendly place. Our itinerary is not set in stone yet, but we are trying to decide on splitting our time between Rome, Florence, and Venice. We may do all three, maybe just one. We're planning on staying in self-catering apartments as much as possible, since we'll be taking things a little slower for Caleb's sake. Any recommendations on favorite areas to stay or places to eat/visit would be welcomed!

Some sites I can't wait to see:

Rome Florence

Venice

This is really our last big trip for at least 3 years when Alan graduates from CRNA school (and probably longer than that since we'll be totally broke when he graduates- hehe.) We're hoping that is is a lovely, restful time where we can bond even more as a family and celebrate the last 5 years, as well as the next 3 to come!

Day 36- Perspective

So, maybe everyone is like this, but I have this tendency to get really passionate about something... start to do something about it... then never.follow.through. This trait displays itself in many areas of my life, such as various social justice causes, food choices, Caleb's schedule, my job, cleaning the house, etc. I'm not sure if this is because I get so idealistic in my thinking that I make it impossible to live up to the standards I set for myself in the midst of my idealism.

Example: In December, I decided that Caleb would sleep better/be less fussy if I woke him up at exactly the same time everyday. Well, day 2 or 3 came along and it was the weekend and Caleb went to bed a little later the night before and I was tired, so I didn't get up until he woke up naturally, which so happened to be 1 hour past when I was supposed to wake him up. Fail. Then, I threw the idea out the window because I couldn't live up to my standards.

Hmmm... as I'm writing this, I just had an epiphany. It all comes down to my perfectionism. I'm stopping myself prematurely because I don't want to FAIL. Wow, I guess it's good to know that about myself (okay, I already knew I was a perfectionist, just not how it affected me in this way).

What made me want to write this post is because at MOPS yesterday, we had a speaker about Healthy Moms, Healthy Babies. The speaker talked a lot about whole foods and not eating processed foods and how nitrites in food have been proven to increase rates of leukemia and brain cancer in kids and how the new national guidelines for nutrition recommend 7-13 servings of fruit and veggies daily, as well as drinking 1/2 your body weight in ounces of water daily. I got all excited about it yesterday. But now I'm having second thoughts as I just chowed down on some tagalong cookies and a piece of pizza for breakfast. Somehow the banana I picked out to eat is still sitting beside me on the couch. Oops. I truly want to make good food choices, especially now that I'm a steward of someone else's lifelong health. I don't want to give up on this. Anybody have ideas for how they eat more whole foods, more fruits and veggies, or other ways they are making healthy lifestyle changes? I'd love to copy you :).

Day 32- A Cold and Sad Heart

My heart is cold, literally, because it's a high of -2 today. It's been below that most of the time. I think the low is -24 tonight (with a windchill of -35). Thank goodness school was cancelled today (and I just found out it is cancelled for tomorrow too!) so that I don't have to go out in it. Caleb has been going through a growth spurt and waking up every 2 hours during the day and every 4 hours at night to eat, so I could use the time to just veg rather than having to use my brain too much.

My heart is sad because I just found out that a friend from high school just lost the twin boys she was carrying after a long battle with infertility. I don't even know this friend very well anymore, but I'd been following her story via her blog and facebook. My heart hurts for her because I know that she had finally let her heart open to the excitement and love of these two little boys, since she had past the first trimester and was out of the "danger zone." I can't imagine what she must be going through. I am praying that God will mend her brokenness and truly give her the desires of her heart. When things like this happen, it makes me stop and thank God for everything he has given to me. Life is so fragile. I don't want to take any smile or coo or grasp for granted.

"Find rest, o my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; He is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge." Psalm 62:5-8