My birthday was late last month. I turned 28. In some ways I had already "owned" 28, and even told people I was 28 accidentally. I guess that happens when your husband turns 28 six months before you. It sounds older than 27 to me. Yes, haha, obviously it IS older, but it doesn't really seem much different than 30. I mean, if you round the number, it's definitely closer to 30 than it is to 25. You're supposed to have life figured out by the time you're 30, ya know. In a lot of ways I (we) do have life figured out. At least on the surface. We go to church. We hope to do medical missions work someday. In the mean time we support some kiddos and missionaries. I'm a pediatric physical therapist. I like my job and hope to find a perfect balance of work and home life at some point when Alan finishes school. Alan is on his way to his dream career and is doing very well at school. We have a beautiful son and a great start to a lovely family. I'm SO thankful for all the blessings my life. My life is incredibly stable and secure right now. I have everything I need (and more).
BUT... something feels unsettled. There's something about the whole "I've got this thing planned out". I don't believe what we are doing is wrong. I believe that God has guided and brought us to this point in our lives. I'm just not sure that just living with a smattering of Christ here and there is the abundant life God is calling us to. I don't want my life to be sprinkled with God's love, I want to live fully immersed in it. I'm reading a book called Missional Moms with some girls from church. It talks a lot about living counter-culturally and creating a new culture around you that is centered in Christ. Sometimes I don't even realize how American and Christian subcultures have influenced my life. I don't want the main goal of my life (albeit a subconscious goal) to be comfort or things or even doing good. I want to love God and love people. I've had this unsettled feeling for years now, perhaps even since high school. It comes and goes. I guess I just thought it would be gone by the time I was "almost 30." I'm not sure that it's ever good to feel you've arrived. I do hope that God will lead our family into what he desires for us and that we would be obedient to whatever that call may be.
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| Alan and I before a lovely date to Bonefish Grill and Cheesecake Factory! Thanks to the Sheltons for watching Caleb! |
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| Birthday hug from the "baby". |
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| Bethany took me out for breakfast and gave me these beautiful flowers. So thankful for this long time friend. |
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