As a side note from our book club discussion: There is a part in the book where someone is talking about how every city has a word. Rome=Sex, New York City= Achieve, Vatican City=Power, etc. Also, that every person has a word. If the word for the person and the word for the city are the same, then that person will be happy and satisfied with their life, if the words differ, the person will be unhappy because their life/environment are not compatible. That led to a discussion about what we thought the word for Denver is and what we thought our word is. One of my friends came to the conclusion that my word is "planning." While it is true that I like planning some things, especially life plans, it was very distasteful to me that she chose that to be THE word that describes me. Especially since I'm not really a planner when it comes to anything besides life plans (do I plan vacations well? no, do I plan chores well? no, do I plan my days with my kiddos at work ahead of time? not really very detailed, etc etc.) But... everyone seemed to agree with her that "planning" was a good word for me. Which, leads me to the horrible thought that "planning" is how I'm seen by everyone. I would much rather my word be something to do with caring for people or making a difference or bringing value to others. I still can't think of how I would describe myself in a word, but I wonder if my word would simply be what I want to be. Is how we see ourselves how we really are or simply our desired self? Anyway, I've probably lost most people by now, but I'm having a complex because I'm afraid that my true values are not being reflected in my life.
It probably doesn't help that I've already been having a slight complex this week about how I feel that I've regressed in my personal life in the past few years. I feel like I was a "better person" in the past and wonder why and if it's okay that I've changed. I also wonder if the changes are simply due to changes in environment and life situations. I'm also feeling God calling me to growth, but I don't know how to change. I know it's not through passivity, but I also know it's not through willpower alone. I'm probably just having a complex because of the huge life change that I'm going through, but it's important to me that I'm not the same person when I'm 40 that I am today. I want to grow and mature and be more joyful and more peaceful and more patient with life. I have a feeling I'm in for a ton of change in a few months, so maybe I should just hang on because I won't have a choice come September. Anyway, I'll finish my rambling, but my mind is churning tonight.
1 comment:
Just so you know, I would not describe your word as planning. You are so much more than that. Unfortunatly I am not good at thinking of words, but I'll think about what yours would be.
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